the time I said "I love you" first.

  The awkward moment when you say "I love you" for the first time, and the other person isn't sure what you said.

     Those three little words probably have a much bigger meaning than necessary due to the way society treats it. There are so many things that could be thoughtfully said to be equivalent to what people see coming from that phrase. Society tends to have the final word on the way things go though, therefore making it important.
     It's really interesting hearing what people have to say when asked what love is. You can love in so many ways. You love your pet. You love your favorite ice cream. You love your parents & your best friends. Then there's the kind of love people associate the "I love you" phrase with most. That love tends to trump all of the others, containing more feelings. It's full of joy, trust, genuine care, certainty, hope, and optimism. It's the feeling no one else gives you at that time, and it certainly feels special.

     There are always those debates about what is acceptable for a woman to do first and what a man should do first. I appreciate the old fashion gender roles, and I'm usually pro it's the man's job to make the big moves. It seems there's an exception though. You see, when I really want something, I tend to just go for it.
     I wanted that kiss, so I took it. I wanted to hear that title, so I got it. I wanted to say what repeated itself many times over in my mind, so I said it.

     Don't get me wrong, I tried to keep it to myself. I had a fear of saying it "too soon", and then making things uncomfortable. I wasn't going to say it just to hear it back, and I didn't want him to feel obligated to say it when he didn't really mean it, so I thought it was best to leave the ball in his court.
     I'm not good at keeping my feelings to myself though, especially from someone I want to tell everything to. I hinted at it, making it completely obvious how I felt, but then it felt silly not to just say it. Then, on impulse, I decided I was just going to let it out. For minutes, I struggled with it on the tip of my tongue, and it just wouldn't come off. I chickened out. However, the very next chance I had, I took it. I actually said it.

     He had just said something sweet, that I don't remember of course, and I allowed "I love you" to just come out. I assume I was some what quite, and the words may or may not of been jumbled together. I completely understood if he didn't notice at all, and I kind of thought that's what happened. I didn't get any sort of reaction, except a minute later I got a "nice try", which I was highly confused by- still am.

     Anyways- I asked later that day if he had heard or ignored, and it turned out he wasn't sure if that had been what I said or not. It all worked out quite nicely.